More than skin deep.

One thing I love and find fascinating about Champaign/Urbana is the economic diversity that exists in a five-mile radius. I’m not sure if it’s because of the university, or if it’s just that all ethnicities and all socioeconomic groups find this cornfield somewhat appealing… but it’s true. Orchard Downs is the United Nations, down the road are probably upper class $500,000 family homes, down the street from university dorms and a block away from low-income government subsidized housing. I caught a glimpse of this diversity yesterday when I was on a home visit.

When I saw that the address said down Washington Street and in an area called Scottswood, I automatically because a little nervous. I’ve done home visits in this area before and I remember feeling very out of my skin being a young asian girl, with many non-asian girls looking at me and wondering why I was in their hood. But I had to get this paperwork signed, so I said a little prayer and drove down Washington. Lord, please protect me and help me to be brave (as if I really had anything to be brave about, i’m such a wuss). When I turned into the area it automatically changed into a protected area with worn signs and rocky asphalt that needed some major work. People were standing around, fixing their cars, hanging out, chatter, music… each person i’d catch a glimpse of gave me a suspicious look and scowl. I remembered my times in Ethiopia when everyone who would see me would give me a very odd look, similar to the looks i was getting driving in this complex.

Well anyway, I pulled up to the house and the woman who was standing outside the house was less than pleased at my unfamiliar face. With a scowl on her face she stared me down and was obviously perplexed that I had pulled up to her house. “Who are you??” I introduced myself and proceeded to talk about her son and the reason why I came. I could tell she was still skeptical and guarded at my presence… but then a funny thing happened. Right in the middle of our conversation, this woman who had the meanest dirtiest look began to soften up. As we talked about her son her face of stone became a face of flesh. Her eyes of hardness and anger, became eyes of desperation and need. In the middle of it all, her voice softened and she was… simply another human being.

Man, we did our business and said goodbye, and when I pulled away from her house… surrounded by the dirtiness, commotion and noise I can honestly say I felt a full heart of compassion on her and all who lived there. As I drove away all of a sudden I didn’t feel afraid but looked at these people with a lot more love than I came in with. I began to wonder what Jesus might think of this place and how much he must love these people living in poverty… I really need more eyes like Jesus. I might just see a lot more beauty than I’m aware of.

One Day Every Post.

I’m beginning to realize how hard it is to post each day.  I feel like if I don’t have something extremely profound to say, then it’s not worth blogging.  Unfortunately I have nothing profound to say any day.  But.  Because these are supposed to be daily ramblings about virtually nothing I suppose that that doesn’t really matter.  So I am going to try to post one post every day.  And if no one reads it, at least my typing will become a little faster and I will learn how to reflect on the nothings of the day.

So, today’s post will be devoted to the many weddings I’ve been attending these days.  Weddings are a touchy subject for some people, because of one reason or the next, but I’ve slowly become more immune toward the sensitivity that can occur by the mention of their name.  Before, weddings used to annoy me because I thought it was just some legalistic formality in the passage of marriage.  Why does everyone need to make such a fuss and hoopla about weddings… it’s all a big expensive show anyway.  I used to murmur under my breath and drag my feet going to weddings, trying to find yet another new outfit, prep myself to see some more old faces, and witness yet another wedding.  Afterwards I would always vow to elope in Vegas or some remote island where no one would be obligated to go and no one would put on a fake face and there would be absolutely no pressure.  Don’t be offended if you’re married and I went to your wedding because if your wedding cake was good then I probably forgot about all these other things, and if you had ice cream along with it then all is well that ends well.

But anyway, to redeem this post I’d like to say that these past weddings have been very pleasant and, dare i say, blessing for me.  Maybe it’s just that PMin has been on in his wedding sermons, or maybe I’ve just actually started to listen, but they have really been a good reminder for me that it’s not really about the wedding day or just about the two people standing up there… but what this day is really picturing:  My future wedding day with Jesus.  I’ve been more and more realizing that in this life amidst all of the greatest joys and the lowest disappointments, everything pales in comparison to a true relationship with the Lord.  And every mundane day that goes by is actually not uneventful or insignificant because it’s just one step closer to the day I will see my Lord face to face.  I think if weddings are supposed to picture that wonderful marvelous day, then I will go with a different outlook in anticipation for what’s to come.

When it comes down to it, I just want to live each day for one thing alone.  my Lord.

and thank you to every couple and newlywed who remind me of this wonderful truth.

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only i may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the Gospel of God’s grace” (Acts 20:24)

One whole minute of my stream of consciousness. Ready…. go.

My contacts are very dry Christina is sitting right in front of me looking for jobs and i’m so sad she’s leaving and i’m sad that Ruth said she’s leaving too. maybe I just need to really learn how to let go. dont you think. i suck at chess i lost to Calvin today at school and he ate my Queen like right away and i need to do so many things before the end of the year, you would think that graduating would make your life easier but really it doesn’t and i just need to SIMPLIFY my life and love Jesus. I want to have a simpler life of loving Jesus just like Africa two years ago which i miss very desperately and utterly. I’m so sad that i can’t go again this year. mimi’s going to japan and I need to pray for her and YOU need to pray for her and I’ve never been to Japan except for at the Narito airport where I bought a chewy candy and a key chain. Christina gave me a squiggly monster key chain and I love it and I’m going to miss Christina even though she’s not going to leave just like Ruth… I really need to let go. The end.

Blue Like… Jazz…

there are some things in life that are like clockwork. like the sunrise, or the drowsiness that comes at 1:30 each day, or how the corner of my mouth get moist at the thought of a panera chocolate duet with walnuts cookie.
another thing that is like clockwork each year is this stomach churning uneasy feeling i get in the pit of my stomach when the year ends. it is that faithful friend who visits me each year with tough love to keep me reminded… life is fleeting… don’t drive your stakes too deep.
this year: the same.
i can say these years that one of the hardest parts of it all is ending my serving relationships. some years tougher than others… this year, one of the hardest. sure, i still look back in the past and shake my head at my ridiculous reactions to holding on… but somehow, it doesn’t seem to get better. this year, serving my small group with almo and partnering with them, not only in ministry-but in life, has been such a good picture of… what friendship is supposed to be like. fun. accountability. prayer. service. reliability. trust. unspoken partnership.

but. i am learning. i’m learning again that it’s not about me or what i’ve learned or even the relationships that i’ve gained. but as i look past the present and focus a little further, i see that this year wasn’t this year for the sake of this year… but there is eternal value to the momentary present. and even though i might not be able to hold on to this year, or these relationships, or this time and place… it’s all an investment into the eternal. i think that’s what gives me hope. the experiences of this year with almo, the times i spent in africa, the memories i share with roomies and friends… these times become a part of who i am and therefore are never lost in time. they are a part of me.

so, i go on. i’ll continue to trust and look at the cross… day by day, year by year. thankful for yet another year of amazing grace.

“For these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Therefore, we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, butwhat is unseen is eternal” 2 Cor 4:16-18

Blogs for Everyone.

Yay, my first blog posting-post Xanga.
Because not very many people read Xanga anymore, after the explosion of facebook and what not, I’m not sure how many people are going to read or find this blog. But I created it more for my own random ramblings of each day, so if you care to read, then fine. If you care not to read, then fine… not really your loss. Nevertheless, you can go with me as i ramble away about life and love and this can be our journey together to find simplicity, joy and Jesus.
I want a cookie…