Blue Like… Jazz…

there are some things in life that are like clockwork. like the sunrise, or the drowsiness that comes at 1:30 each day, or how the corner of my mouth get moist at the thought of a panera chocolate duet with walnuts cookie.
another thing that is like clockwork each year is this stomach churning uneasy feeling i get in the pit of my stomach when the year ends. it is that faithful friend who visits me each year with tough love to keep me reminded… life is fleeting… don’t drive your stakes too deep.
this year: the same.
i can say these years that one of the hardest parts of it all is ending my serving relationships. some years tougher than others… this year, one of the hardest. sure, i still look back in the past and shake my head at my ridiculous reactions to holding on… but somehow, it doesn’t seem to get better. this year, serving my small group with almo and partnering with them, not only in ministry-but in life, has been such a good picture of… what friendship is supposed to be like. fun. accountability. prayer. service. reliability. trust. unspoken partnership.

but. i am learning. i’m learning again that it’s not about me or what i’ve learned or even the relationships that i’ve gained. but as i look past the present and focus a little further, i see that this year wasn’t this year for the sake of this year… but there is eternal value to the momentary present. and even though i might not be able to hold on to this year, or these relationships, or this time and place… it’s all an investment into the eternal. i think that’s what gives me hope. the experiences of this year with almo, the times i spent in africa, the memories i share with roomies and friends… these times become a part of who i am and therefore are never lost in time. they are a part of me.

so, i go on. i’ll continue to trust and look at the cross… day by day, year by year. thankful for yet another year of amazing grace.

“For these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Therefore, we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, butwhat is unseen is eternal” 2 Cor 4:16-18